Present and Accounted For

Jennifer Lasik

My niece Lilly was trying to tell me something – something very important, judging by the extremely earnest look on her face.  The all-too-familiar realization came that I hadn’t heard a word she had said to me in the past minute or two.  I mean, I was looking right at her, watching the tilt of her head and the movement of her lips, but my mind was too far away to hear her voice or comprehend the words. She looked expectant, waiting for my response.  None came, because I hadn’t been listening.

Lilly 5

Sweet Lilly, ready for a chat.

This is a common occurrence in my life.  Way too common.  I used to joke that I had “gone to my happy place for a moment”, but in truth, there is nothing happy about that place.  It’s a dark place haunted by past conversations and ruled by future obligations, an exhausting place where quantity always trumps quality and where life is passing me by one to-do list at a time.  Why would anyone want to spend time there?

Sometimes I feel like my entire day is spent leaving something early in order to arrive at something else late and putting off the people and things I love most for activities and commitments that add no extra value.  Case in point, Saturday night, after a day of shopping, cleaning, and hosting a holiday party for our daughter’s a cappella choir, instead of relaxing with my family I found myself frantically baking cookies late into the night so I could participate in a church cookie swap that had plenty of participants in order to a plateful of assorted cookies home despite the fact that everyone in my household wants to lose at least 20 pounds.

Has anyone else experienced the phenomenon where you fill your life up to the very brim with minutia — hundreds of tasks, activities, events, meetings, obligations, chores — and then use the fact that you are so busy as justification for not taking care of the truly important things in life?  Guilty, right here.  My business?  Too busy with a “day job” to focus on building it.  My health? Too busy to go to doctor’s appointments.  Takes too long to do healthy food prep or to cook specialty meals.  No time to exercise regularly.  My marriage?  Good luck scheduling regular date nights.  My family? Way too busy for a game night, or family devotions. My relationship with God?  I wish I had the time to properly pray, to read my Bible, to journal my faith, to spend time with Him.

Am I alone in this madness?  I mean, really — what in the world???????

My goal for 2019?  I want to be present.  I want to show up in my life — for me.  For my husband.  For my daughter in her last year of high school.  For God, the Almighty, the Past, the Present and the Future.  I want to get better at the thing that matters most — being the light of the world and the salt of the earth.

aislynn-17

My daughter Aislynn – that great big world is waiting for her, and my time with her is so short.  She has no idea how amazing she is.

I love my planner.  I love my wall calendar.  I love organizing and reorganizing my time and to-do lists.  I love mentors.  I love reading self-improvement articles.  None of those are the answer.  The answer is a complete makeover of my priorities, my SOP (standard operating procedures), my perspective.

Basically, it is time to do a gut and rehab of my life.

I’m going to blog about this journey — to document it and to hold myself accountable. Please join me. I want to be inspired, and I want to inspire you.  Tell me about your 2019 — what are your aspirations?  What are your goals?  What have been your reflections as we experience yet another ending and beginning?  What revelations have you had?

I would love for you to share — either in the comments here or by email if public sharing is too uncomfortable.  Let’s be friends.

And so it begins…. thanks for stopping by the blog.

-Jennifer

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